That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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