I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
