Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
there is puke in my bra ... again
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
