dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
