everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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