"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
