Ambien. No doubt about it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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