I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
