I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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