My room smells like vodka and shame
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
