I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
