We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
