theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
