did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
