I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
