When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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