too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
