you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
