fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
