i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
