youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
be right there i have to get my cape
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
