I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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