Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
