11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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