i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
...so i touched it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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