So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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