If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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