So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
