If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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