Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize