whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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