if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Why is your signature on my underwear?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
