the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Two words: blizzard sex
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
