you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
