its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
