I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
