We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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