I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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