feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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