Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
