Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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