im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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