What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
