How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
