Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
that's an acceptable place to lick
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
