I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
