Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
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