i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
