Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
