The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
