did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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