she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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