I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
