You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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