4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
