im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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