this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
