Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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