last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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