I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
