like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Pants are for mortals
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
