Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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