you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
