Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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