i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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