On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
