stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
