uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
