is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize