I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
