dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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