Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
