I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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