I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
